Movie Review: The Last Airbender

If you felt a disturbance in the Force this week, it was The Last Airbender being unleashed onto an unsuspecting, hopeful world.  Somewhere, the ladies of Sex and the City 2 are pointing at M. Night Shyamalan and the cast of Airbender and laughing their Manolo Blahnik- wearin’ asses off. Airbender has managed to outdo SATC2 and win my vote for worst movie of the year (so far).

M. Night Shyamalan better be thankful The Last Airbender, which he wrote and directed, was released the same week as Twilight Eclipse, because now he can blame the poor box office showing on the fact that no movie can compete with Eclipse. Actually, Airbender will probably do well this first week, but once word-of-mouth starts spreading, it’s going to sink like an airbended rock. Imagine if you gave a $150M budget to a bunch of 12-year-olds and told them to make the movie. Let’s assume those kids could work the cameras and run the special effects software and everything; however, when they wrote the script, they used language that 12-year olds would use. The dialogue in this movie was astonishingly bad, simplistic and hokey, actually laughable at many (too many) points. I can’t believe this movie was released as-is.  How in the world did it get past the producers?  I digress…

I’ve never seen Avatar: The Last Airbender on Nickelodeon, so I can’t tell you if the storyline of the movie stays true to the TV show. Apparently, this movie is based on the first season of the show. Aang (Noah Ringer) is the young Avatar who is the only master of all four elements.  He has been called upon to help restore harmony between the Four Nations: Earth Kingdom, Air Nomads, Fire Nation, and Water Tribe. That’s a lot of responsibility for a 12-year-old and Aang can’t take the pressure, so he runs away.  He gets caught in a massive storm and is frozen for 100 years inside a giant ice ball with his flying bison, Appa.

Certain members of each of the tribes have the power to “bend” their element and use it in various ways, including as weapons, but Aang is the only one capable of bending air.  Katara (Nicola Peltz) is the last waterbender left in the Southern Water Tribe (don’t worry: there are plenty of waterbenders in other tribes). Katara and her brother Sokka (Jackson Rathbone) stumble upon the giant ice ball holding Aang and free him. Being frozen and all, he is still only 12 years old, and he doesn’t have one drop of water or ice on him even though a giant ice ball just exploded around him. There I go digressing again…

Anyway, the Fire Nation is not playing nice and has already wiped out or enslaved many of the other tribes in its quest to rule the world. Prince Zuko (Dev Patel) has been exiled from the Fire Nation for dishonoring himself and his family. Aang is Zuko’s ticket back into the family – all the prince has to do is capture Aang alive and take him back to the Fire Nation so they can, you know, kill him.  Then they will truly rule the world. Mwahaahaaha!

The martial arts moves are good in some spots, particularly one scene about midway through featuring Aang and a mysterious blue character. I saw the regular version and I know the visuals would have been much better in 3-D. The battles are sort of rock-paper-scissors games featuring the elements: earth walls blocking fire balls, floating water splashing fire out, air pushing water back. There is the classic showdown between good and evil at the end, but do not expect an amazing Lord of the Rings type battle. It ain’t happening.

I had to keep reminding myself who the target audience is. It’s billed as an Action/Adventure/Family/Fantasy. Key word: Family.  At the end of the movie, younger kids were doing karate moves in the theatre aisles, but the group of teenaged boys sitting behind us must have spewed out the word “stupid” about five times in three seconds. Ultimately, I think kids under twelve might enjoy it, but their parents would be ready to purposely hurl themselves in front of a fireball just to make this ridiculousness end.

It was so bad, it became very entertaining after awhile, but not in the way Shyamalan meant. I’m feeling a cult following coming. Or a drinking game of some kind: take a sip every time someone onscreen says something stupid, or says something not-so-stupid but says it in a stupid way.  You would be toasted by the end of the second scene.

I give this movie one Slurpee out of five, just to leave room in case a group of eight-year-olds are given a $150M budget and a camera and I need to give their movie half a Slurpee.

*BEGIN SPOILER ALERT {insert alarm sounds here}* The movie ended in such a way that makes it clear that there will be a second movie, so The Last Airbender is apparently not going to be the last. In fact, there is a $250M budget for a planned trilogy of movies. A trilogy! I wonder if they’ll still make the other two movies if this first one does as horribly as I think it will. Is it possible to release the second and third movies of a trilogy directly to DVD? Can we start a petition to block them from ever happening? *END SPOILER ALERT*

* The Last Airbender * Director: M. Night Shyamalan * Starring: Noah Ringer, Dev Patel, Nicola Peltz * Time: 102 minutes * Rated PG-13 * Trailers* Soundtrack *

10 Upcoming Movies

Here are 10 movies that will be released in the next couple months. I don’t necessarily plan on seeing all the movies on this list {cough Twilight Eclipse cough}, but I do plan on seeing most.

1. Wednesday, June 23 – Knight and Day; Tom Cruise, Cameron Diaz; Action/Comedy/Thriller; PG-13
   ~ An everyday woman gets mixed up in the life of secret agent who is trying to avoid being captured.
2. Friday, June 25 – Grown Ups; Adam Sandler, Salma Hayak, Kevin James; Comedy; PG-13
   ~ Five high school friends reunite on July 4th after their old basketball coach dies.
3. Wednesday, June 30 – Twilight Saga: Eclipse; Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattison; Fantasy/Romance/Thriller; PG-13
   ~ Continuation of the saga in which Bella must choose between Edward and Jacob.
4. Thursday, July 1 – The Last Airbender; Noah Ringer, Nicola Peltz; Action/Family/Fantasy; Not yet rated
   ~ The young Avatar, who is the only master of all four elements, has been called upon to help restore harmony.
5. Friday, July 9 – The Kids are Alright; Annette Bening, Julianne Moore; Comedy; R
   ~ Two siblings of a lesbian couple want to bring their sperm-donor father into their lives.
6. Wednesday, July 14 – The Sorcerer’s Apprentice; Nicolas Cage, Jay Barachel; Fantasy/Comedy; PG
   ~ A master sorcerer recruits a seemingly average guy to train to help fight the evildoers.
7. Friday, July 16 – Inception; Leonardo DiCaprio, Kan Watanabe; Action/SciFi; PG-13
   ~ A thief has the ability to steal ideas by entering others’ dreams.
8. Friday, July 23 – Salt; Angelina Jolie, Liev Schreiber; Action/Thriller; PG-13
   ~ A CIA agent is accused of being a Russian spy who is going to attempt to kill the U.S. president.
9. Friday, July 30 – Twelve; Emma Roberts, Chace Crawford; Drama/Thriller; R
   ~ A drug dealing dropout’s cousin is killed and his best friend is arrested for the crime.
10. Friday, August 13 – Eat, Pray, Love; Julia Roberts, Javier Barden; Drama; PG-13
    ~ A recently divorced woman embarks on a round-the-world journey of self discovery.